Northern Territory. Best Place in the World. Ever.
Posted July 22, 2009 , trackbackThis may be an unashamedly biased overview of an already generalised topic. However, Australia’s Northern Territory is clearly and obviously the best place in the world, anyone could tell you that.
Before it was discovered by a couple of kangaroos a few years back, there was little more than an empty can of Fosters up here and the occasional pandanus palm. Territorians have since made the mighty NT what it is through hard work and a lot of die-hard bragging. So, unlike some other Viator bloggers, I intend to give you a completely one-eyed account with limited reasoning on why the NT really is the best place in the world.
Cos basically, I feel for you, yes, deep down Jack really has a heart, and in my caring ways I figure why have people spend loads of time and money just to find out that other places aren’t as good when you can hear the truth – I’ll send you straight to the best places rather than this usual beat-around-the-bush style that has you just inhabiting the usual tourist haunts and hanging out with other tourists.
That’s right, my reputation is at stake here, so take it from a local.
Fishing, NT-style
Fishing
First up, one of the best things about the NT is that you can fish just about anywhere, as long as there is water nearby. And if you can’t fish, then you can buy fish in shop, but more about that one later.
As far as fishing goes, you’ve got vegetarian and non-vegetarian options – basically, do you want to be eaten by croc while you do it, or would you rather get home in one piece? Cos there’s plenty of options both ways - places like Shady Camp and the Mary River are great if you fancy a bit of a chomp while you’re dangling your lure. And if you do fancy a croc steak then why not make like a real local and put a side of beef on the hook on the end of your 4WD winch, chuck it in the river and then haul the bugger in when you get a bite. Easy. Just have something ready to cut the steel cable when the clever little bugger hauls you in… it happened before.
4WDs
Speaking of which, there’s only two kinds of vehicle in the NT – Troopie and Hilux – which makes shopping for a car easier, and they both come in white so that takes most of the hassle out already. A Hilux rolls easier than a Troopie, and you don’t have to listen to the kids when you chuck ‘em in the back cos it’s a ute and they can scream out in the tray.
But a Troopie - short for Troop Carrier by those mighty guys in-the-know, The Australian Army – is better for keeping the beer cold cos when you chuck it in the back its still inside and not stuck out in the blazing sun. They are also a good way of getting around anywhere, including a fast exit from a difficult car park, and ideal for getting to the shops and back. Especially on a Sunday.
Trees
As Germans would say, the NT is full of “the nature”, so as you’d expect there’s plenty of trees. In the bit up north, we Territorians call the Top End, the trees are often quite big due to their tropical nature. The leaves are broad and the coconuts are big, just like the mangoes, rambutans and my personal favourite, the black sapote. In the desert bits there’s trees too, and they are the best form of shade against the hot sun. The sun also rises and sets in the Territory, like no where else.
Corrugated Iron
Corrugated iron grows naturally in the NT, so why not see it in its native environment? It can grow to enormously long lengths where it forms fences, or the horizontal variety is great for roofs, which in themselves are also great for keeping out of the sun, but do present some problems with retaining the heat. But a cool beer can fix that.
Markets
For the uninitiated there are loads of markets on in the NT – more than just Mindil and Parap, and more than you stick a drunken poke at. If you fancy getting outta Darwin, there’s Coolalinga on Saturday mornings, one in Humpty Doo too, I think; Alice Springs has one once a month on Sundays; Katherine has one at least once a year, probably August round festival time, And in Darwin there’s a couple of other markets secreted around the place on Sundays… just grab your singlet, Thai fisherman’s pants, Crocs shoes and ask a local…
Space
One thing you get if there’s not so many people and lots of empty open areas is Space. Matter of fact it’s the NT’s biggest export. Hard to get across the border in your hand luggage, but if you’ve broken the law, your mind or just your bank balance, there’s plenty of Space to get out in until things sort themselves out.
Security
Breaking news, NT-style
It doesn’t matter if you go out and get drunk and lose your keys in the Top End, cos most of the houses don’t lock thanks to the unique louvre design that sees them cool in summer/Wet season, and breezy and possible to see if you’re neighbors are home or just shagging in the Dry season.
Simplicity
None of that complicated four seasons stuff up north – there’s just the Dry and the Wet season in the tropics. In the desert it’s either hot or not, and round Katherine it’s usually just time to get out of town all year round.
Food
Given that the NT is so close to South-East Asia there’s plenty of great tucker on offer, like Thai, Vietnamese, Indian, Malaysian, Halal anything or just Singapore style noodles. So why not bugger all that fancy stuff and have barramundi and chips or a fried something-or-other instead. Too beaut.
Shops
One of the amazing things about the NT is that if you want to buy something, you can usually get it in a shop - as long as its for sale that is, and they have it in stock. T-shirts are popular, often bearing great slogans like “My other car is a beer esky” and “Where the hell is Noonamah?” are great ideas for the kids or family.
Beer cozies are another great thing they have in the Territory and if you want one, you just have to buy it, put it on your wrist and then take it off and wrap it around a cold beer when it gets to after 11am. And shops are a great place to find crocs after a flood too – just cast your mind back to the saltie they found in a meat-fridge in the Woolworths shopping centre in Katherine after the great floodwaters went down in the Australia Day 1988 floods when the Katherine River hit 21metres deep. Even the rivers are bigger up there (see fishing). Too right.
Beer
Now it just wouldn’t be cricket without that one syllable that stands alone as a word. Its’ well known that the average Territorian drinks a six-pack a day, and given the kids and not all of the women drink, then that’s a lot of extra help that some of the blokes are willing to put out.
NT invented beer, didn’t you know?
Just the same as coffee was invented in Melbourne, beer was invented in the Territory, and in return it’s our gift to the world. That’s right soccer hooligans, teenage delinquency and unsociable behavior as well as friendliness toward strangers, sudden personal disclosures and bad breath all have the NT to thank for its innovation and foresight. Where would we be without it?
Hotter, thinner and thirstier that’s for sure.
If that isn’t reason alone enough for believing the NT is the greatest place in the world then you should probably go back and read this blog again after two or three and you’ll be one hundred precent bloody convincitated. No bloody worries about that.
-Jack Brown
Planning a trip? Browse all of Viator’s Darwin tours, things to do in Alice Springs, and tours in the Northern Territory.
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