A Scatological Comparison of Selected Latin American Nations

A Google search for websites containing both the words “travel” and “diarrhea” results in 1,860,000 links, and that only includes the small subset of pages in which “diarrhea” is spelled correctly. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate that there are 50,000 new cases of traveler’s diarrhea every day (CDC 2008). One might expect, therefore, that a wealth of information must be available to help the cautious traveler assess risk levels of potential trips. After all, a careful consideration of the risk of traveler’s diarrhea is at least as important as a consideration of the number of national parks or pristine beaches a travel destination offers, because the traveler’s intestinal state is likely to determine whether those parks or beaches will even been seen by the traveler.

However, most travelers just go to one country for a week or two, and although many return with a disgusting story, virtually none have actual data to go along with it. As a result, little objective data is available for use in risk assessment. The few previous studies have identified travel destination as the most important risk factor (Steffen et al. 1983; von Sonnenburg et al. 2000). The CDC has therefore divided the world into three categories with regard to risk for developing traveler’s diarrhea - high, intermediate, and low (CDC 2008). High-risk areas include Mexico, all of Central America, all of South America (except Argentina and Chile), all of Africa (except South Africa and Lesotho), and all of Asia (except Japan and Russia). In other words, 78,846,672 square kilometers of the Earth’s land surface, or 58.2% of the total land surface (excluding Antarctica, which CDC does not categorize), are classified as high-risk areas.

This qualitative, broad-brush approach to risk assessment is unfortunately not very useful to the traveler. Diarrhea can range from the merely annoying to the completely incapacitating, yet CDC makes no attempt to classify severity. As a result, there is little information that would help you plan a trip unless you automatically exclude a visit to 58.2% of the world. There is an urgent need for a universal, quantitative, objective methodology for rating countries so that travelers can accurately assess the likelihood of developing an urgent need at each potential destination.

During a recent trip to Latin America, I had quite a lot of time to sit and think about this issue on the very first day due to a bad tamale I ate at a bus station, and I realized I had an opportunity to begin solving this problem by determining which is the crappiest country in Latin America.

Methods

I traveled from Tucson, Arizona, USA to Buenos Aires, Argentina, mostly by bus, between November 28, 2001 and March 3, 2003. I rated every bowel movement I had during that 15 month period according to the scale displayed in Table 1.

I did not visit every Latin American country, so several countries are excluded from the analysis. Furthermore, due to an imminent mortar attack on the capital city, I remained in Colombia for just three days and excluded it from the analysis due to the low sample size. The countries included in this study are Argentina, Brazil, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Mexico, Nicaragua, Panama, and Venezuela.

The rating scale was initially designed as a negative logarithmic scale in terms of looseness, much like a pH scale is a negative logarithmic scale in terms of acidity, with 1 being the most loose and 10 being the least loose. However, when I devised the scale I did not realize it was possible to crap straight liquid blood, so during the course of the study I had to add a zero rating. While this does mean that the scale can no longer be considered truly logarithmic, the change does not affect the analysis or results.

The advantage of the non-linear scale is that it allows us to focus more closely on the looser end of things. Therefore, the “one-wiper,” the Holy Grail of crapping, is not a 5, but an 8. Generally speaking, the further from 8 you are, the less comfortable you are likely to be. The ratings are designed to be self-explanatory and objective. Fractional ratings, such as 4.5, were permitted when necessary. When there were multiple bowel movements in the same day, I rated each separately.

To compare countries, I used multiple regression to determine whether there were rating differences between them after accounting for differences in the number of days spent in each country and in the number of months I had been traveling when I visited each country.

One potentially confounding factor is that I occasionally used ciprofloxacin, an antibiotic, to combat various illnesses during my trip. I typically took antibiotics for three days each time, and started treatments on December 29, 2001 (Mexico); May 15, 2002 (Honduras); December 19, 2002 (Brazil); and January 26, 2003 (Argentina). However, given that the effective period of the antibiotics was short compared to the length of time spent in any country, I have disregarded this factor in the analyses.

Results

In total, I produced 406 craps during my 490-day trip. Table 2 lists the countries visited in order of visitation, days spent there, and craps taken in each.

During the course of my trip, I produced craps that spanned the entire rating scale, from 0 to 10 (Figure 1).

Countries differed significantly in terms of level of crappiness (F = 18.20, df = 7, 396, P < 0.0001), even after taking number of days in country and number of months on the road into account.

The country with the lowest rating (i.e., the crappiest) was Guatemala, scoring a craptacular 3.3, which is just barely more solid than vegetable soup in beef broth (Table 3). Argentina was the second crappiest country I visited, where the mean looseness of my craps was the same as hearty sirloin and vegetable soup. Argentina was closely followed by Honduras. Argentina was the only country in which I produced craps with a zero rating (blood). Argentina and Guatemala were the only countries in which I achieved ratings of 1 (clear water), although there was one 1.5-rated crap in Nicaragua.

The least crappy country I visited was Panama, which scored well ahead of all other countries at a breathtakingly pleasant 7.6 (between meatloaf and one-wiper). Following Panama was Mexico, with a 6.7 rating, and Costa Rica, with a 6.3. Venezuela was the only country in which I produced craps with a 10 rating (diamond), but I achieved at least one 9 rating (charcoal) in Brazil, Mexico, Nicaragua, and Panama.

Discussion

Keeping in mind that I only sampled nine Latin American countries, the data indicate that Guatemala is by far the crappiest country in Latin America. Interestingly, Argentina is the only country I sampled that is considered by CDC to be an intermediate risk rather than high-risk country for traveler’s diarrhea, yet Argentina is the second worst country for diarrhea according to my study.

Mexico has long been feared by American travelers as a place of intestinal unpleasantness. Hence one often hears of Montezuma’s Revenge, which attributes the experience of pissing out of your rectum to a curse the last Aztec emperor placed on foreign visitors. Nonetheless, this study indicates that Mexico is in fact among the least crappy countries in Latin America.

Although 406 craps were analyzed for this study, all were produced by the same person, which technically means that the results of this study can only be directly applied to me. However, the data are likely to be generally applicable to other people as well. As such, I recommend Panama as the Latin American destination of choice to those travelers who wish to tour more than just a country’s toilets, and I submit that spending a week in your own bathroom will provide a similar experience to a week in Guatemala at a much lower price.

Most importantly, this study proves that it is possible to differentiate between countries with a simple, objective rating system. Please note that Table 1 can be easily printed out, laminated, and carried in the field. If this rating system is used by other researchers in the future and the results published, we will be able to someday determine which is the crappiest country in the world.

Sources cited:

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). 2008. CDC Health Information for International Travel 2008. Atlanta: US Department of Health and Human Services, Public Health Service.

Steffen R., F. van der Linde, K. Gyr and M. Schar. 1983. Epidemiology of diarrhea in travelers. Journal of the American Medical Association 249(9): 1176-1180.

von Sonnenburg, F., N. Tornieporth, P. Waiyaki, B. Lowe, L.F. Peruski Jr., H.L. DuPont, J.J. Mathewson, R. Steffen. 2000. Risk and aetiology of diarrhoea at various tourist destinations. Lancet 356: 133-134.

photo by nicolasnova on Flickr

Amsterdam Explained: Facts, Myths, and Advice for a Better Trip

Until you actually take your first trip to this stunning Dutch city, it’s easy to make some assumptions about the place based on whispers you might hear regarding its infamous Red Light District and the city’s notorious and unusual policy of allowing “soft drugs” to be used openly in its cannabis coffee shops. Well, most of the weird stuff is probably true, as we’ll get to just below, but there are many more worthwhile dimensions to this city, and it might help to understand just how things really work.

As a former resident and frequent visitor to the Dutch capital, and someone who writes and updates an online Amsterdam travel guide, I take pride in trying to explain all the great reasons people should visit, and also point out some things to watch out for. This article will mostly just scratch the surface of what to see and do here, but hopefully it will also help you understand the important and controversial parts of the puzzle.

The Red Light District and sex industry

We can save the normal stuff for below, so let’s sort out this bizarre aspect to the city first. Just as it is in a few other European countries, prostitution in the Netherlands is legal, and in Amsterdam it’s also something of a tourist attraction. The Red Light District is by far the most famous part of the equation, but it’s definitely not the only part. Let’s run through all of it below, shall we?

Red Light District

This is the oldest and most historic part of the city, and it’s also arguably the most beautiful part, not even counting the infamous prostitutes in the windows. It’s a large area right across from the main train station and during the day it’s packed with tourists of all kinds who are roaming the area seeing what it’s all about. It may be wise to visit without children, but aside from that you may be shocked that the area is popular with young and old, male and female, and tourist groups of all kinds from around the world.

There are around 150 windows in the area, behind which you’ll usually find flirtatious girls who are trying to make a living under those flattering red lights. Along the main canals you’ll only find a few here and there, but if you turn down one of the narrow alleys you’ll be face to face with a dozen or more of them lined up in a row. With this in mind, it’s quite easy to get as big or small of a dose of this phenomenon as you want.

After around 8pm the ratio of male visitors to female visitors goes up noticeably, so it’s probably best to keep that in mind depending on your group and your goals. Prices for an unromantic 15-minute encounter with the girl of your dreams are generally ?50, but you can pay more to get more time or even more unusual things thrown in. Negotiate everything first.

The city is following through on its initiative to get rid of some businesses that appear to have ties to organized crime, and they’ve bought back buildings that housed even more windows – recently leasing some of them to young fashion designers and stores. But the city has also insisted that they have no intention of plowing the prostitution thing under for good, as they recognize that it’s an important and famous part of their tourism draw.

Other sex industries in Amsterdam

Live sex shows – The Red Light District is also home to 3 or 4 live sex theaters where patrons can pay a hefty fee to watch a number of choreographed and bawdy sex acts, usually culminating in an actual couple having intercourse on stage. Each place is different and some are better for stag parties while others are better for couples and the generally curious. Do your research to pick the one for you.

Sex Clubs – None are actually in the Red Light District, but Amsterdam has around 10 sex clubs where patrons usually pay a hefty admission fee and then for overpriced drinks, as the club’s working girls flirt with them hoping to entice the customer into a full-on transaction in a private room upstairs or in back. Sounds great, I know, but you’ve also got to watch out for the ‘Taxi Scam’ on your way there, plus the ‘Champagne Hustle’ once inside. Beware.

Brothels – These places are also outside the tourist center, and often in residential neighborhoods. The Dutch call them Privehuizen (private houses) and these brothels are free to enter and totally discreet so patrons won’t ever see one another. There’s no bar or lounge, but you can get drinks, included, and the prostitutes on duty will come into your room one by one to introduce themselves before you decide which, if any, strikes your fancy. More local Dutch visit these places, and it’s all honest and straightforward, unlike the sex clubs.

Escorts – Since prostitution is actually legal, of course you’ll find escorts in Amsterdam. Recently the city has cracked down and insisted that all these businesses be properly licensed, and this has helped insure that everyone is honest and legal. There are about 10 or 12 trusted online agencies, and patrons who stick to these should have a discreet and pleasurable experience, one would hope, though it’ll cost more than the RLD window girls for sure.

Coffeeshops (cannabis coffee shops)

While it’s technically true that possession of cannabis is illegal in the Netherlands, it’s been “tolerated” for customers for more than 30 years now. In other words, there is zero risk to those who patronize the 150 or so coffee shops in Amsterdam, even if a police officer were to walk in while you were smoking.

Interestingly, there are a few laws the city and the shops themselves do enforce strictly. You must be at least 18 years old and you can only buy 5 grams per day (at any one shop). If you don’t know how much pot or hash 5 grams is, it’s a LOT, and far more than any human this side of Snoop Dogg could ever smoke in one day.

Visiting a coffeeshop

These coffeeshops (all one word, in Dutch) are sprinkled throughout the city, though they are concentrated most in the Red Light District and near other tourist areas in the city center. Most sell marijuana and hash by the gram, with a one-gram minimum. Due to recent price increases, one gram will usually cost between ?8 and ?12, with the strongest stuff costing the most, of course. All the cannabis in Amsterdam is of high quality, so unless you are an experienced smoker you are probably best off starting with the cheaper stuff anyway.

You can also buy pre-rolled joints for around ?4 or ?5, but many places only sell big joints that also include shredded tobacco, as this “spliff” style is preferred by virtually all Europeans. Some places do have pure marijuana joints though, so look around if that’s all you want.

You can also buy what they call a space cake, which many people know better as a pot brownie, though they are often in muffin, cookie, or spice cake form. These take about an hour to start affecting you, and they can be insanely strong so it’s very important to wait for a long time before considering having more. They typically cost around ?5 per serving/dose, and these days can be found at almost every coffeeshop in the city.

It’s not immediately obvious, but you can buy weed at one shop and smoke it at another, as long as you buy something in the shop you are now visiting. A coffee or cappuccino will cost around ?2, but you can also get juice or tea or milkshakes and even food at some places. Each shop has its own unique vibe, decoration scheme, and music theme, so it’s best to look around to find one that suits you well before committing.

Attractions worth visiting

This city is jammed with museums, but of course some are far better than others. Here’s a rundown of the famous and worthwhile Amsterdam museums, with reasons why they might be right for you.

Anne Frank House – The attic where this famous diary-writer lived for two years before being found out is part of a fairly large canal-side complex, which also includes sections on religious persecution and Nazi abuses in WWII. Sounds depressing, but people usually to love the Anne Frank House and the queues out front are almost always extremely long. Go early to avoid the crowds.

Rijksmuseum – The Amsterdam Rijksmuseum is like the Louvre of the Netherlands, but unfortunately it’s mostly closed - except for about 200 pieces in something they call The Masters collection - as part of an endless renovation to the rest of this massive museum. Rembrandt’s famous Night Watch is among those paintings still on display, but admission is the normal price even though most of this place is closed. Normally it’s the best museum in the city, by far, but during the renovation, which may be complete in 2011 or 2012, it’s borderline at best.

Van Gogh Museum – The Van Gogh Museum is just past the Rijksmuseum in the Museum Quarter, and especially now the lines tend to be much longer. It’s a modern and somewhat sterile building, and it houses Van Gogh paintings as well as those of some of his contemporaries. In spite of the obvious name recognition factor, not everyone actually likes Van Gogh’s art, so you might want to look at the posters and postcards for sale out front to be sure this place would be worth it to you.

Rembrandthouse – If you aren’t really a “museum person” and you still want on great cultural experience that is famous enough to mean something to people back home, this is the place. The Rembrandt House is the former home of this legendary artist, and it’s a small yet powerful display of Dutch history, culture, and art. It’s also cheap to enter, right in the middle of the city, and you can do it justice in under an hour.

Heineken Experience – This former brewery used to be famous for costing almost nothing to enter and then giving visitors unlimited beer for a short time at the end of the tour, but after two major renovations the Heineken Experience is nothing like that anymore. It’s now expensive and slick and still quite interesting, even though they only give each visitor a couple small glasses of beer on the way out.

Things you should do when you first arrive

Amsterdam is a fairly compact city, and it’s easily possible to do it justice in about 3 days if you don’t linger inside all the museums and coffeeshops and whatnot. But still, there are two things you should definitely try to do as soon as possible to help you orient yourself, and both are great and cheap.

Canal cruises – If you arrive by train (from the airport or another city) you’ll exit the station to find about 8 different companies offering basically identical one-hour canal tours. They ply the same route and point out the same things. Most use recorded commentary in various languages, and if you are lucky the captain will also add some fun facts in both English and Dutch as you go along.

True, the description above doesn’t sound all that great, but honestly these quick tours are by far the best way of seeing all the most important parts of the city when you first arrive, so they are the best way of getting oriented. Weirdly, in spite of the tours all being identical, a few big companies charge around ?12 per person while a few small ones charge around ?7 per person, with nothing in between. Do a cheap one.

Free walking tour – For the last few years a company started in Berlin has started offering “free” walking tours of many European cities, and the Amsterdam free walking tour is typically excellent of the franchise. Not exactly “free,” the friendly and enthusiastic guides let you know at the beginning that they give the tour for tips, so they are highly motivated to make everyone happy and they usually deliver. The tour lasts around 3 hours, and starts you through the Red Light District and eventually winds its way to the Jordaan neighborhood, near the Anne Frank House. Tip your guide ?5 and they are grateful and you’ve just gotten an amazing bargain yourself.

Getting into the city and getting around

If you are flying directly in you’ll be thrilled to know that getting from Schiphol Airport into the city center is cheap, fast, and easy, since there is a train station located directly below the airport. For around ?4 per person, and in a bit over 20 minutes, you’ll find yourself at Centraal Station, which is the heart of the city in some ways. If you arrive by train from another city, you’re even farther ahead of the game.

Walking

If you are able bodied you’ll be able to literally walk everywhere you want to go, provided the weather cooperates, which it usually does. The main train station and the Van Gogh Museum are at opposite ends of the city center, and you could walk between them in around 30-40 minutes if you knew where you were going.

It is, however, surprisingly easy to get lost, so you’ll definitely want to get a good map upon arrival for your first visit. The city is almost completely flat and there are interesting things to see every step of the way, so it’s really just a matter of your tolerance for walking that will determine how far you can get on foot.

Public transportation

If you’ve brought heavy luggage or it’s raining hard, you’ll be thankful for the Amsterdam public transportation system.

It mostly consists of trams, but there are also buses and even a metro/subway system that doesn’t go anywhere helpful to most tourists. The system is cheap to use, but it can be intimidating and confusing, so if you plan on utilizing it you should have a look at the article linked above, which explains it all as simply as possible.

Bikes

In my article called things to know about Amsterdam, the first point I make is that bikes are everywhere, but actually renting a bike yourself as a means of getting around may not be a great idea for most people. It can be fun to rent a bike for a day and ride out to see a windmill or the countryside, but bike traffic can take some of the fun out of it, and the insane rate of bike theft plus the frequent difficulty in finding a good place to lock your bike up can detract from the experience as well.

Taxis

There are taxis in Amsterdam, of course, but they can’t be hailed on the street. You have to either call them on the phone or go to one of the taxi stands, which are conveniently located at the heart of every tourist neighborhood. They are also very expensive, so this should really be your last resort, although they might be a decent idea late at night if you don’t know your way around well.

Communicating and the language situation

If you’ve never been to northern Europe before, you’d be forgiven for assuming that you could have some major language issues while visiting. You won’t. Especially in the big cities (like Amsterdam) the locals are very proud that they speak your language (English) plus their own and maybe a few others. Unlike, say, France, you don’t even have to bother memorizing how to ask if someone speaks English. Just speak English and you’ll always be understood and your questions will be answered thoroughly back in English so good that it would put people you know back home to shame.

Knowing how to say thank you or please in Dutch is a nice touch, and you might bring a smile to a local’s face by doing it, but aside from that don’t stress about it and just assume they know English, because they do. Almost all signs are in English (as well as Dutch) so it couldn’t be easier.

Final thoughts

As mentioned in the beginning, I’ve intended to explain some of the things that might otherwise take a lot of research to uncover yourself, and hopefully this will inspire you to plan a trip soon and also research more things that specifically interest you. If you are interested in the sex stuff or the coffeeshops then they are at your fingertips, but they are also very easy to avoid if that’s your preference.

Have a look at BootsnAll’s Amsterdam travel site for much more information, and feel free to contact me through that site if you have any questions.

Vieux Montreal: Exploring a Touch of Europe - Montreal, Canada

I got off the bus ride not expecting it to be so cold. Making my way to Old Montreal (about 5-10 minute walk), I stopped at Brisas Le 808 to warm up and downed two cups of coffee. I told the owner it was delicious, savouring the smoothness. I mentioned it was better than Tim Hortons. “Don’t talk to me about Tim Hortons” the owner said with a smile. I laughed.

Leaving the restaurant, I decided I had to buy another layer of clothing with three other light layers I was wearing. I bought a fleece jacket to keep me warm and now a souvenir with “Montreal“ in front.

I headed back to Rue Notre Dame my starting point. I walked around the property of Musee du Chateau Ramezay built in 1705, once residence for Claude de Ramezay, the 11th governor of the colony. Benjamin Franklin tried to persuade Quebec to go against the British rules but failed. Now this museum displays coins, furnishings, tools and more from the 18th and 19th century.

Hotel de Ville (1872-1878) is Montreal’s City Hall. Modeled after the one in Tours, France, it was here that president Charles de Gaulle of France marked Canada’s 100 birthday shouting “Vive le Quebec libre” (Long live for Quebec) much to the separatists delight but the federal government, who invited him, was not amused.

Across the street is Basilica Notre Dame de Montreal (Our Lady of Montreal). Opened in 1829, for $5.00 you can have a quick 20-minute tour of the inside’s gorgeous carved linden wood altar, a 7,000 pipe Casavant organ and stained glass windows depicting the parish’s history and biblical passages.

Though the cathedral dominates Place d’Armes, this square is full history. The red-stone Romanesque eight stories Edifice New York Life, was Montreal’s first skyscraper in 1888. Next door is Edifice Aldred (1931) resembling the Empire State Building, completed the same year. Now pigeons flock this area making their mark around the statue of Paul de Chomedey, Montreal’s founder along this cobbled square.

Banque de Montreal (1847) is Montreal’s oldest bank.

Montreal was born in 1642. The Obelisk (1893) near rue St. Francois Xavier has the names of Montreal’s pioneers. Around the Obelisk are benches to have a quiet break and relax.

No more signs of rain. The sun struggled to get out. I headed back onto Rue Saint-Paul, the oldest thoroughfare in the city, dating from 1672. This city has a feel of Europe. Walking along this windy, narrow cobbled streets. With cars passing by, I secretly wished for pedestrian only. I loved the different colourful signs of the shops and restaurants displaying their address number. It reminded me of Salzburg.

I sauntered down Rue Saint-Paul trying to find a restaurant to eat then found myself at Place Jacques-Cartier, named for the French explorer. Plenty of outdoor restaurants on this cobbled street. Unfortunately there were no colourful flowers inside the huge pots in the middle of the square on the mid May, in front of the Statue of Nelson (1809).

Despite the chilly weather I still sat outside, near the door, at L’Aventure Pub and savoured the Caesar salad and glass of white wine, watched a few people walk by. The waitress told me the forecast of 22C was expected today. Yeah right?

Energized and ready to go, I walked back to Rue Saint-Paul, stopping at Marche Bonsecours (1847), a beautiful classical revival style building. Once a market, a parliament of United Canada, a City Hall, now home to upscale boutique and art shops. The outside the intrigued me with the six cast-iron Doric columns and the silver dome.

There are plenty of narrow cobbled streets that branch off like Rue Saint-Dizier. Oh, the reminders of Europe.

Next-door is Notre-Dame de Bonsecours, founded by Marguerite Bourgeoys, the oldest church in Montreal built in 1771 over the ruins of an earlier chapel. It is free to tour inside of the altar, statues, and stained glass windows but on my way out I did slip some money in the box.

Just in front to the chapel, down Rue Bonsecours, is Maison Pierre du Calvert (Calvert House). Built in the 18th century, Pierre du Calvert supported the American Revolution. He met with Benjamin Franklin here in 1775. Paul was jailed from 1780-73 for giving money to the Americans. Now this is a bed & breakfast and a restaurant.

Ah Montreal. Elle est une belle ville (it is a beautiful city.) I’ll be back.

Stockholm Half-Marathon

Amsterdam Marathon

Brussels Marathon

Garda Trentino Half-Marathon

Poncho Plaza: Stretching Your Dollar in Ecuador’s Famous Market - Otavalo, Equador

If you’re traveling to Andean Ecuador, chances are you’ve included Otavalo in your list of places to see. And if you haven’t, might I suggest an immediate addendum to your travel itinerary. This beautiful town, nestled between the volcanoes Imbabura and Cotacachi, is both picturesque and historically significant. Not to mention being the place to go to collect those lovely souvenirs that will aid in showing off your travels to friends, family, and unsuspecting door-to-door salesmen.

Otavalo is an ordinary South American town with an extraordinary history. The native Otavale?os have managed to carry their people and their traditions through the conquests of both the Incas and the Spanish. Part of the credit for their endurance goes to the trade of the people: textiles. Using both traditional backstrap looms (a slowly dying art) and upright looms, the Otavale?os create beautiful, hand-woven goods ranging from sweaters to rugs, and from small-scale wall hangings to giant blankets. And all of these are for sale in the Poncho Plaza, the heart of Otavalo.

Poncho Plaza is a colorful whirlwind of activity on any given day, though the intensity multiplies one-hundred-fold on Saturdays, when blue and yellow awnings line the streets surrounding the plaza as far as the eye can see. While this is certainly the best day to wander amongst the people, most of whom still dress in the brightly colored traditional clothing, it is also the worst day to shop. Tourists descend on the area in a mad frenzy, and vendors have no problem rejecting your attempt at bargaining with so many panama-hatted targets at hand.

But never fear! You know that Saturday is just for getting a price estimate (considering, of course, the standard Saturday price-gouge) on all of the fabulous knick-knacks you’ve been staking out. And boy are they ever fabulous. Silver necklaces and earrings crafted in Incan designs are very popular sellers, as are t-shirts showing the Incan sun calendar. But, if you’re going for the authentic, I highly recommend the striped, woven pants and hoodies that the locals have worn for years. Perhaps snag yourself a brightly patterned tapestry while you’re at it. If you’re into the music scene, you can pick up a CD of traditional Andean music performed by local groups, or, if you’re more of a do-it-yourselfer, perhaps one of the many hand-made guitars. And for those more into the dust-catching side of things, you can’t go wrong with a set of metal spiders or any number of jade figurines and amulets copied from local artifacts.

Of course, gearing up for a good spending-spree always works up an appetite. So while you’re wandering around, why not try out some of the fish or fruits being sold. Or perhaps you could head to one of the many restaurants lining the plaza—being sure to get a terrace seat to watch the goings-on below—and sample the cuy (pronounced kwee), an Andean specialty. For those of you actually brave enough to do so, it’s worth mentioning that guinea pig tastes rather like rabbit. Small rodents, and all.

During all of this time, I highly recommend cultivating good relationships with the locals. Buying from them is a start, but even better is actually talking to them. Minimal Spanish goes a long way, and you’ll find that many who work in the tourist industry speak a bit of English, as well. The Otavale?os are some of the most genuine, kind, and happy people you will ever meet. After several meals at a particular restaurant, the waitress, with whom I was then on great terms, expressed how much she liked my lacy top. Having been absolutely charmed by her friendliness, I later presented it to her as a gift. To my surprise, the next day she hunted me down on the plaza and gifted me with a traditional blouse that she had embroidered herself. Reciprocity is the way of life in the Andes.

But you may still be wondering, when do you actually buy anything? Well, I’ve found that Tuesday and Wednesday seem to be the best times for this. For venders, the moneymaking glow from the weekend has faded, and the next Saturday seems far away. Feel free to offer half of the asking price, and, if you’re persistent and nonchalant, you may well get it. This, of course, is not a free license to be rude. Remember, these people are trying to make a living, so if they seem genuinely insulted, the rule of thumb is that they probably really are. Be patient and respectful, and remember – if they won’t budge on the price, chances are good that around the corner there’s something a bit less expensive that’s just as worthy of that door-to-door salesman.